casfeathers:

mixgoldenphoenix:

gracelesscas:

i would pay good money for a navigation system voiced by cas

“I-I don’t understand. Why did you not turn when I told you to?”

“You should show me some respect. I dragged you out of downtown rush hour traffic, I can throw you back in.”

quazza:

i am reminded that english is a flawed language every time I am forced to use “that that” in a sentence

my mom asked me about the menu for my graduation party and i told her we should just have hannibal make the food.

iwilleatyourenglish:

iwilleatyourenglish:

once my baby was being really annoying so i put it in the basement but then i forgot and decided i didn’t want my basement anymore so i got rid of the door and then decided to do the rest later and when child protective services came they couldn’t get to my kid so they just wandered around my house

i’m talking about the sims please don’t call the police

sweet-bitsy:

thernardier:

“you wanna see my breasts” i say seductively to my boyfriend. i unbutton my shirt to reveal two large, succulent cuts of meat. i am a chicken. why do i have a boyfriend. why am i wearing clothes

Wait until you see my thighs

pearls:

pearls:

i touched a dick once and it was the scariest thing in my life because it had a really cold head and i don’t know it wasn’t fun

sometimes the ‘i’ and ‘u’ shouldn’t be so close on the keyboard 

constrixii:

dionthesocialist:

Sometimes, I wish I could ban my students from saying the word “gay” unless we’re specifically talking about homosexual people. Today one kid said that the ceiling was gay. Ceiling can’t be gay. Ceiling can’t even be straight. Ceiling is ceiling. Ceiling’s sexual preference is light bulb.

i dont know man, my ceiling is pretty straight

dean-tacos-cas:

spookapple:

jackvessalius:

look what we have here

i have legitimately never laughed harder and for as long in my entire life